Above: The umbra witch, Bayonetta strikes us a pose in front of a full moon with her trusty pistol ‘Sage’ in hand.

Bayonetta is a 500 year old witch that looks like a young porn star version of Sarah Palin with legs for days and I am convinced that she was created by the queens over at Sega just for us.

This bitch is some serious fierce and everything about her character design from her skin tight body suit fashioned magically from her own luscious locks all the way to her six inch gun toting heels is exquisite. And don’t even get me started on her jaunting ultra sexpot gait.

With all of those pixels bouncing around she could be mincing up new born babies on a runway covered with broken glass and people would still be cheering and coming all over themselves.

Ridiculous camera angles, absurd bodily proportions and lusty bedroom comments aside, Bayonetta is quite an interesting game to play. The battle engine, while requiring little to no skill whatsoever to master, is a beautifully tuned machine complete with special moves and finishers that are interesting, innovative and gorgeous to watch. The environments that you encounter are very linear but vast, well designed and full of little details. The enemy characters in the game are also quite something to behold. Angels that look like monsters don’t make you feel too bad about literally kicking some angel ass.

While the story-line for the game is probably its weakest aspect, we don’t judge to harshly. Sometimes a game comes along that is just engaging enough to distract you from the fact that it is completely shallow … in truth; Bayonetta is a celebration of pretentious vapidity in a sense. It relies completely on its bizarre character designs, lush backdrops, and vibrant if a little repetitive battle scenes to entrance and inspire. With all of this being said, you would think that the game wouldn’t be worth it, but there is just something so fabulous about the whole thing that you can’t put it down.

Maybe it’s the giant stiletto boot that Bayonetta conjures with her hair to obliterate enemies, or that she can summon a giant guillotine to behead a solider of the angel hoard.

Maybe it’s because she can devastate opponents with their own weapons, or that she can walk on walls, or because of the end of battle kiss that she blows complete with campy floating hearts to the snap snap snap of a hundred flash bulbs like she’s at some gala event that makes us go all gaga over her. In retrospect it is probably just because she looks so vicious tranny fierce doing it all and that’s just fine with us.