Above: The iPad which we left in color; a rarity not often seen on the black-and-white-laden JAWKSTRAP

So it’s here (not that we didn’t know it was coming).  And despite it’s title, it doesn’t have Maxi or wings.

With less-than-stellar naming skills, California’s local fruit vendor introduced the iPad, yesterday at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts in San Francisco.  As indicated by perky hatred for it’s handle and the sheer and overall disappointment, the tech community began it’s love/hate bash and everyone else followed by issuing neat, hashtagged 140 character (or less) tweets that chirped like sarcasm on a rainy day.

We think it’s safe to say the iPad didn’t generate quite the reaction we’re sure the design mavens in Cupertino had intended.  We’ve already started seeing less-than-savvy posts on how undeniably, ridiculously, devastatingly hilarious it would be for Russian street hookers to start rushing in to American WalMarts demanding they be sold an iPad to plug up their heavy Slavic flows.  More on that, never.

If we had to aggregate all the features and sum up the iPad in one word, it would be, potential.

This “magical” mobile device has massive potential, in fact, it may have too much “potential” and not enough “possible”.

Everyone who hasn’t been completely blinded by it’s beauty (and it’s really quite beautiful) has been clever enough to see how much of a miss Apple’s version of a netbook just really is.

To begin, the iPad is using the iPhone OS which, we must say, is the greatest smartphone OS…when left on a smartphone.  However, this gripe only pales in comparison when you realize the big glossy thing stomachs no multitasking which was painful on the iPhone but a downright sin on the iPad.

Someone needs to email the queens at Apple and let them know they can’t bill the iPad as a device that’s a step down from a full fledged laptop yet a step up from a netbook but will burp, bark, bite, and boo if you try to make it run more than one app at a time.  The boys need to be able to stream Pandora while browsing through the latest collection of aussieBum undies and tweeting their hearts out.  It’s a must!

One app per time seems like teasing and we don’t like to be teased when we invest our hard earned coins into the number one mobile devices company in the world.

Next, the iPad has no Flash. Again, painful on the iPhone but a sin on the iPad.  How do they expect us to watch Christopher Gorham, or Zachary Quinto, or Mark Salling, or Mario Lopez, or Ian Somerhalder, or Joel McHale, or Eric Mabius, or Mehcad Brooks, or Tom Welling, or Chace Crawford, or Nick Zano, or Enver Gjokaj, or Taye Diggs, or Matthew Bomer, or Justin Hartley, or Tahmoh Penikett, or Jonathan Waud, or the many other come-hard-jerk-wet men of TV and playing on Hulu without bloody Flash?

Lastly (at least for now), where is the flipping camera? Indicated not only in the newly-released iPhone SDK 3.2 (via MacRumors) but also within Grindr, is the ability to take photos within the app. It’ll be a mystery how any one can do this if there’s no iSight atop this fancy unit; which begs the question…

Why make iPhone apps backwards compatible with the iPad if the iPad can’t do “everything” the iPhone can; like take in-app pics?

So in conclusion; it’s thin, it’s light, it’s gorg’, it’s fast…blazing fast.  And yet, you can do almost no more with it than you could on your iPhone on a really good day.

It really is a remarkable device but we can’t help beating ourselves over the heads, grappling with how Apple could’ve possibly presented such a major fail.

We really want one…bad.  But lack of multitasking and Flash are pretty much deal breakers if they don’t make it into iPads that will soon begin shipping and judging by the what we’re hearing, the rest of the community agrees.

And while we haven’t yet reached a point where big tech companies can send out an update that wills your mobile devices to grow new apparatuses like cameras for your naughty usage, 2 of 3 can be fixed via an OS update.

Apple, listen.

Final touches being put on outside the San Francisco Yerba Buena Center for the Arts Theater where the event is taking place.

Excitement? We think so. The Apple Media Event is today and the boys are buzzing with delight and trying to keep their perfectly shaped asses planted firmly in their seats.

As many can’t be in San Francisco today–like Stephen Fry (via this tweet)–there are several places they can get a live blog fix.  Enjoy the closest thing to being present + Steve Jobs and more iPorn for your Grindr-based collection on Engadget, Gizmodo, MacRumors, CNET, The Apple Blog, Apple Insider, and Wired.

We’ll be back with the write up after lunch with Steve!

Above: The Apple Store Upper West Side on Broadway in New York City and the future headquarters of JAWKSTRAP.

Boys, it’s time to put on your good underwear and get pretty and all dolled up because the Apple Media event is only days away.  As if you could pay for this type of brouhaha and verbal gyration, the tech world has been abuzz with rumors and speculation surrounding Apple’s latest and greatest secret new toys.

Fixed on the geek’s list and hopefully soon up for grabs are two new gossip-inducing iGems.

iSlate

This top secret mobile device, would be positioned to redefine print media as we know it; much the same way iTunes did for music and the iPhone did for mobility.

Besides, who doesn’t want a 10-inch mobile version of Grindr as they flick back and forth through Numéro Magazine on the way home from work?

We would also like to point out how seriously we dislike the name “iSlate” and favor “The Apple Canvas” which one clever Mac Rumors forum member thought up.  Canvas, FTW!

iPhone 4G

So maybe not 4G but a steady topic on the geek’s list is an all new iPhone and more specifically, one that runs on the ever reliable but terribly outdated CDMA Verizon.  Also, it seems clear that it makes no difference that AT&T is a better overall company than Verizon.  People want it now and want it everywhere and it shows.

iPhone users are hanging by a thread, waiting impatiently to slap the white off AT&T’s teeth and drop kick their “Rollover Minutes” to bask in the ambience of  ”Verizon does.”

Clearly connectivity is king.  And take no notice of us, but we sure did find it interesting that AT&T has stopped all -IN-YOUR-FACE advertising, marketing, and overall “pushing” of their flagship mobile phone on their website.  Perhaps we have reached the end of multi-year exclusivity?  Just a thought.  VZW, FTW!

Join us for pink lemonade and our continued coverage of Apple’s Media Event.

Oh, and…don’t forget your JAWKSTRAP.